A momentary break from politics to start the week:
My favorite little known olympic events along with my medal predictions below…
Mens’ Marco Polo - Gold: Italy. Silver: Montenegro. Bronze: The Beasley family reunion pick up team out of Mankato, Minnesota.
Poles Dancing – Only one country participates in this event. As usual Poland will take home the gold, silver and bronze medals.
Synchronized Billiards – This massive and beautiful event takes place at Wembley Stadium on Saturday. The stunning spectacle of scores of chubby, tattooed Hells Angels and heavily blinged middle age men playing pool in unison is not to be missed. Starting early Saturday morning pungent streams of Old Spice will begin to waft across London as the first rounds begin. Go with the Russians this year to win it all, though the Danny Bonaduce owned team out of Jean, Nevada is a medal possibility.
The 100 Meter Breast Pocket Stroke - The Brits have dominated this event since it’s debut at the 1955 Seersucker Games. Sprinting in a dress shirt while stroking a breast pocket is quite taxing, however no one does this kind of eccentricity better than the Brits. No contest here, the UK takes home all the medals.
Speed Magic – This year’s addition of the “trick clock” ensures this event is not for the faint of heart. Competitors will have to complete a trick every 30 seconds or face disqualification. Rabbits will be yanked out of hats, assistants sawed in two, and doves emerging out of every orifice with the mind numbing speed. Of course, mistakes can be brutal in this event. Who can forget the 1988 games when David Copperfield inadvertently turned an elderly Korean man into Gina Lollobrigida.
The Americans will sweep this event.
Rhythmic Farting - Traditional powerhouses Bulgaria and Samoa should be the top two finishers. However, with the addition of Governor Chris Christy the U.S. team became a force to be reckoned with.
Oh John, you are feeling your oats today, very funny. You almost had me on the breast pocket stroking, it sounded plausibly British. I mean they run a course on Shrove Tues. whilst flipping pancakes, how far behind could pocket stroking be ?
If these were real events, I might just watch.
I’m actually posting on my mobile device from outside the Rhythmic Farting arena. Needed some air. The Vulgarians are KILLING it.
Little known fact: I actually have a bronze on Rhythmic Farting from the ’96 Olympics. Wore it on my wedding day. :p
Every four years, people go nuts over sports that the rest of the time they consider incredibly dull.
I’ll watch the Olympics when they bring back one of the original competitions: naked bull horn jumping .
i choose pole dancing, just an fyi
I’m wondering how many people would know who Gina Lolabrigida is.
Ah you are so correct Elliesmom…. and yet the rhythm of her name in that sentence made it too happy to resist…
I don’t know whether it’s sad or not, but I know who Gina Lollabrigida is and the name really does have that magical rhythm.
On another note . . . I’ve seen the Poles dancing competition at most of my relatives weddings and parties. And if the competition is anything like at my family’s shindigs,
no one will take any medals.
I remember when “Buona Sera, Mrs. Campbell” was considered risque. When I saw “Mama Mia!”, I knew I recognized the plot.
What about Thighmaster?
Finally! A blog that reports the news that matters.