Given that I sat through the Republican convention this week I feel somewhat obligated to watch as much of the Democratic party’s party as I can stomach. It was not always like this for me. Once upon a time I glued myself to the Dem convention, and dismissed the GOPS out of hand. They were dinosaurs and I’d contemptuously snicker about their retrograde ways with friends while ignoring their convention. Odd how things change.
In fairness, I shall try to get through as much of the DNC as possible. Though I find the Democratic party increasingly absurd – and not in a compelling, fun way like a Buñuel film or an episode of Green Acres. Obama era Democrats are like civil war reenactors. They seem to be stuck in circa 1977 Saul Alinsky amber. But the activity is the same as civil war reenactors:
Pretend a long over crisis is still happening, pretend to be waging battle to save us from pretend crisis, stomp around like champions of justice after declaring victory over evil force that is largely dissipated or nonexistent.
Debbie Wasserman-Schultz is a crazed, 5th rate William Tecumseh Sherman marching to a sea only she sees, Joe Biden is U. S. Grant – but later when he was drunk all the time – while Antonio Villaraigosa degrades himself as a Union messenger boy, no doubt confident that the big wigs will anoint him guv’nor of Califournee because of his tireless service to the pretend cause. Not sure who Sandra Fluke is but, by golly, she’s busy and important!
The adult in the room has decamped to Asia. Which ought to tell you all you need to know.
Here’s how the DNC will go: The last Kennedy standing will be a Kennedy in public. People will be moved by a feeling that is adjacent to nostalgia but in realty can’t be. This will feel like the not entirely unpleasant tingling of too much Gold Bond Powder in ones’ jockstrap. A lot of other people will tell us how sublimely wonderful Obama is and how amazing the last 4 years have been. The majority of the media will concur. Rachel Maddow won’t lunge at the camera for 3 solid days – a record. Speakers will do an end run around Hope and Change disappointment by blaming others and talking about how hard real change is. (We still won’t be told what “change” means though.) Everything – from high unemployment to the season one finale of The Killing - will be blamed on George W Bush. A few select women no one much likes will tell the large majority of women that Mitt Romney wants to sew up their vaginas. And just when the entire thing is about to bore everyone to tears Bill Clinton will steal the show and give many pause. In that pause we shall either hear the muses beckoning “Vote for Obama again. He’s a wonderful President. You like him, you really like him.” OR ”Holy shit, Obama blows next to this guy. Why can’t he be President again?”
Then Biden will speak - seriously. The media will deem his serious speech an absolute, irrevocable recovery from the idiocy of his vice presidency so far. Finally, Obama will ride in on a cascade of rose pedals and angels breaking wind, stoop down to accept the nomination and make a speech we’ve now heard three thousand four hundred and thirty-seven times. BUT there will be one thing in it we have not heard. For the media this ONE THING – whatever it is – will be the game changer!!! and the reason he will surely win.
Then the DNC will be over.
I’ll watch…mostly to see if I’m right.